Just passing time? (part one)

This is a question I ask myself a lot.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just passing time, getting through the day, the week, or maybe just the morning? It's not that I dislike my life or my days with my little toddler. I guess the routine sometimes gets to me. I hate these ruts, yet I still manage to find myself in them every now and then. It typically happens when I don't have a goal or a vision for the day. Caleb and I still play and have fun, but it's a mindless movement from one activity/errand to another. There's no thought as to why I'm doing what I'm doing, I'm just filling time.... until naptime, until dad comes home, until bedtime, until the weekend, until ... My whole heart and soul isn't in my mommy-ing on these days.

I don't think stay at home mom's are the only ones that deal with this. I remember as a teacher, I could easily fulfill all my duties, follow my lesson plan, even engage my students during class, and still just be passing time. Again, my whole heart and soul wasn't in my work on those days.

I believe that as Christians we don't have to live even a single day like this. He didn't intend living to be like this when He creating us. I also believe that making a habit out of passing time is detrimental. It is certainly not benefitting to either myself or to my child. If I'm consistently living life just filling space to keep myself busy with no thought as to why I'm doing what I'm doing, I am not serving Him to my full potential. He won't be able to mold me as He wants. I am turning my ears off to the Holy Spirit, whether I realize it or not. I miss opportunities to serve and therefore opportunities to grow.... and as a mother, opportunities to teach my son how to live as God intended.

If I am just passing time, I am doing a disservice to my child. All his needs will not be met (especially the mental and emotional needs) and I will be offering a poor example of what it means to serve Christ which is my biggest responsibility as a mother. I'm teaching him that's it's ok to pass time every now and then, as long as I'm fulfilling my responsibilities on the outside it should be no big deal. Everyone does it occasionally, right?

Ever read Ecclesiastes? The beginning chapters of this book are written from this perspective. It's actually quite depressing. I remember skipping that book a lot when I was younger. :)

That which has been is that which will be, and that which has been done is that which will
be done. Ecclesiastes 1:9

Yes, we all have the blah moments, the temptation to just pass time, just continue the day. Those feelings are normal. It is not ok to live those feelings.

I want to teach my son how to respond to those blah feelings, those days we want to just sit in front of the tv until mealtime (or sit our toddler in front of the tv until mealtime). That is a lesson worthy of being taught. Since he will better remember the way I live than the words I speak, living this example every day will be life impacting for him. It'll be pretty life impacting for me too!