Growing into our own boots

My last journal about setting expectations for Caleb that encourage him to flourish rather than frustrate him has kept me thinking.  A few things stood out to me while writing that post that I just can't get passed without writing it down.  I guess this is my part two of Tiny Boots. 

The flourishing child (and later man) that I want for Caleb reminded me of Psalm 1.  It speaks of a man very much thriving, a man whose "delight is in the law of the LORD." (vs. 2)  That by the way is an AWESOME statement!  Wouldn't it be great to be described in such a way!! 

Back to the man.  The Bible says ...
He shall be like a tree planted by streams of water... that brings forth its fruit in its season
Psalm 1:3 (emphasis mine)

I have LOVED this chapter since high school, but never noticed until now that the tree itself (aka the man whose delight is in the law of the LORD) has a specific season to produce its fruit.  I have a specific harvest time in my own life.  Hopefully, like any tree, that harvest time with come around year after year. 

God knows those particular moments in our lives.  He nourishes us and He teaches us so we can yield fruit in our season, not too early and not too late. Season after season, year after year. God does have expectations for each of us. He has expectations that He would like me to meet today, some that I won't be ready to meet until tomorrow, next week or next year. We can be confident that the expectations He holds for us are not out of our reach. It's easy for me to get overwhelmed with others' expectations of me, as if they are a burden for me to live up to. Maybe because of that, I can fall into the habit of growing burdened by God's expectations even though they really aren't a burden at all. It's actually pretty AWESOME that God has expectations for me. That means the God of all creation both on earth and in the heavens knows me, believes in me, and has hopes and plans for me. Remembering that makes His expecations inspiring instead of burdensome. I can be sure His expectations aren't out of my reach. I know I can make it to where He wants me to be.

I don't have to look at Holy Harriet down the pew and think, "I'm awful! Why can't I have it all together like her!?!"  I'm on my own track. I'm not running Holy Harriet's race. I have my own season(s) for fruit. Of course this shouldn't be used as an excuse to stay stagnant. I shouldn't be standing still on that track. But like I said in the last post, God is thrilled that I'm on the track, running my race. I don't have to walk into self-condemnation because I'm not up to par. Who set that par?  In truth, none of us are up to the real par on our own. That's the whole message of the Gospel.

When I feel overwhelmed or overstretched, I can know that this tension does not come from God (note I said overstretched, stretching is quite normal!). When we feel underused or incapable, we can know that is not from God either. God is perfect in his parenting... in his preparation of you and me. Maybe we're placing the unattainable expectations on ourselves. Maybe we're attempting to attain them without His help. Maybe we're not trusting Him to enable us. Maybe we're letting our fears or worries overshadow our awe of Him and His faithfulness to complete the work He began.  He who started the work will be faithful to complete it in you.(Philippians 1:6, emphasis mine)

He will not expect more from us than what we are able to give today, this hour, this minute. We can meet His expectations successfully. But go back to Psalm 1, His expectations will not be attained without me, the tree, gaining nourishment from those streams of water.

There is a reason that tree was planted there, the same reason why we must be firmly planted in Him and in His Word. 

We can't expect to flourish in our season if we are not accepting the pruning, the prodding and the nourishment from Him.  And yes, we can certainly deny Him of gardening our lives.  As truthful as my previous statement was "We can meet His expectations successfully", so is this "We can NOT meet His expectations successfully" unless we allow for His help. It's real easy to deny that help. 

In the last journal, I quoted John 15:1 and 2b, I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener...every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.

There's much much more to that chapter.

Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.       John 15:4,5

I guess it's a good thing we have Him then! 
To go back to Philippians 1:6, He's the one completing the work in us.  We're allowing Him to do it. 

So when I know God has placed a certain responsibility or goal in my life, like parenting, and I feel incapable or overwhelmed by the task, when I'm doubting whether I can follow through successfully, I need to stop and look at where my strength and where my wisdom is coming from.  Am I going to His Word for advice, for help and encouragement, for the direction I need to take with a child that is having trouble sharing his toys or throwing himself on the floor in a fit?  Am I grasping at straws, trying anything and everything without much thought? Am I spending time in prayer? Am I responding by instinct, whatever my flesh feels like at the moment?  Am I listening to Him lead?  Am I near His streams of water or wandering in some wasteland?

A friend of mine made such a poignant comment, "As a mom, I feel like I am a little girl learning to "walk" all over again. I trip, I fall - God helps me up, dusts me off and cheers me on to take my next step. I am desperate for His help each and every step of the way."  I love this.  I certainly relate to it.  Isn't it awesome that He is there each and every step of the way?

How relieving that we're both under the same yoke together.  I am not the one carrying the load or even determining where to go, He's right there beside me carrying the bulk of the weight and guiding us right or left with His infinite wisdom.  Together, this tree will produce sweet fruit in its season.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.               Matthew 11:30

Tiny Boots

**I'm finally finishing one of the many posts I started awhile back.  Fortunately we do NOT still have snow boots planted by our front door.  The sun is now out!!**

We've had some crazy snow here over the past couple months so our snow boots were implanted by the front door. Pen's, mine and Caleb's, side by side. It's so cute to see Caleb's tiny boots sitting in between our much larger ones. Just looking at those boots taught me a lesson.  They are a tangible reminder how small he really is.

He is still so small.

He is now talking and running, he climbs, he slides, he wants so much to play like the big kids. But he's still so small. It's easy to forget that. Parents of adults or teens might think I'm ridiculous to have to remind myself of this, but it's true none the same.  I am certainly guilty of treating him as if he's older than he actually is at times, expecting more from him than he is capable of doing and becoming frustrated when he doesn't comply. I have to constantly watch myself to be sure I'm not making these overblown expectations a habit.

In general my husband falls on the other end of the spectrum (it's a good thing too, imagine if we were both prone to the same extremes!). He admittedly loves to baby Caleb. He still wants to spoon feed him each bite of dinner even though Caleb's long been capable of handling a spoon and fork. He just doesn't want to give up those special things a parent gets to do for their baby (except diapers; he is more than ready to give up diaper changing!).

Both my husband's tendencies and my own, if left unchecked, can hinder Caleb as he grows. If I were to place my boots on Caleb's feet, he would not be able to move (well, except face first towards the carpet). If I were to attempt to stuff my feet into Caleb's boots it would be none to pleasant. My bones would be cramped and if kept that way, they would deteriorate. Growth would be hindered.

In the same way we don't want to frustrate Caleb with overblown expectations.  We don't want to handicap him with underrated expectations.  Of course as parents we don't want to do anything at all that might impede him from being who God wants him to be.

Isn't it a relief that God doesn't sway either way! We are not treated in either extreme by our Father. He is the perfect parent. Family and friends may coddle us through our weaknesses or struggles while others beat us up for them. God does neither. He loves and He enables. Others Christians may judge us even as we are learning, seeking and so desiring to grow. God is cheering for us while running the race, not just upon reaching the finish line.

Discovering the correct balance of expectations is pretty difficult as parents. Determining where the line between extremes lies for Caleb at 23 months is difficult. But tomorrow he will be one day older, he will have learned new things, grown in comprehension and physical adeptness... and the line moves again, the balancing act continues. Neither extreme, expecting too little or expecting too much benefits my child. So we continue our mental scale, weighing their current abilities and comprehension, praying that we do what is best for him, that we won't be ones to hold him back, nor ones who push him too far too fast.


He knows exactly when we've hit our quota. He knows even more than the number of hairs on our head. He's aware of the rate at which our brain synapses are currently firing. He knows the maximum weight we can bench press (even if it's just the bar!). He knows the depth of our Biblical understanding, our physical and spiritual stengths. He's fully aware of the growth we've made after a troubled childhood or an untroubled childhood.

Isn't it interesting that the number of hairs that our head holds changes daily (or for some of us minute by minute)!?! If He can keep track of our falling strands, I think He can handle the rest as well.

The Truth God has given us, the directions He takes us, and the cousel He gives will never frustrate our abilities nor will they handicap us.  They may prod us, prune and cultivate us but only to make us flourish. 

That's the kind of parent I want to be to Caleb.  Lord, help our training of Caleb encourage him to flourish!

 
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."                           Jeremiah 29:11

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener... every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."  John 15:1,2b

Praying with a child

Over the past year or so, we've had a lot of family needs that have really helped us put prayer and faith into action... and all in front of Caleb.  Some of the prayers are answered within days.  Some of the prayers are repeated for months and months before we see His answer.  Some of the prayers we are still waiting to see His answer.  All this to say that Caleb is consistently hearing us pray for the same people/situations, day after day, month after month.  At times he hears a name and tells us to pray for them right then.  He has stopped playing, and asked me to "pray mommy!"  and then holds his hands together in prayer, waiting for me to start.  Even in the midst of our nightly prayers, if he thinks I'm forgetting something or someone, he will repeat the suggestion over and over until I speak it out loud in prayer.  He's quite persistent. 

But he's learning to pray.

He's also learning God hears us when we pray AND God answers us when we pray.  We often remind him of the times God has answered our prayers in the affirmative and brought healing.  He knows that we prayed for Daddy's foot to be healed for months and now Daddy's foot has "no booboos"!  He knows that we prayed for Mawmaw's back and tummy to get better and that now she doesn't "huwt" (aka hurt).  We prayed for God to heal Caleb's liver and now it's perfectly normal!  Maybe TMI, but when constipated, we pray for God to help him "go potty" and then are sure to remind him how God answered that prayer too.  We repeat these praises with Caleb again and again. 

He's learning.  And honestly, in emphasizing these things over and over with Caleb, I'm being reminded that God really does answer our prayers.  All the time.  Every time. 

He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him.                                                               Psalm 91:15

How often do we pray something... and then a week or a month later forget that prayer and don't even pay attention when He answers?  We may think "That's great! He got a job!" but we forget that it was on our prayer list a month ago (or in my case even a week ago).  We don't stop to recognize that God did in fact answer our prayer.  Ok, maybe I'm the only one. But it's certainly true for me.  If I don't even realize that He answered the prayer, I'm certainly not thanking Him for answering. 

But teaching Caleb is reminding me what a privilege it is to be a child of God, to have a God that listens to us when we pray, and to thank Him for answering.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him                                                             1 John 5:14-15

Rambles

I need to figure out a better system. I am actually journaling a lot more than it seems. I have at least 20 posts started but not ready to officially post (the number could be closer to 40, I just don't want to count them all!)  I just can't seem to get them right.  if this were a regular journal, I would write them the way they initially come out and move on.  Something about pushing that "publish post" button makes me want to review and review until I'm confident I said what I wanted to say.

I am so glad when I finish one.  I love that I can look back through my old lessons/prayers as a reminder (or to act as a progress report).

Maybe the unfinished posts means I haven't learned all I need to learn in those particular areas... or at least enough to write about them.  Surely I'll get them eventually! 

A Family That Gives a Treasured Gift

I have been overwhelmed this past year with how blessed we are with such an amazing family.  How rare is it to be able to say that about BOTH sides of your family... and on into extended family!?!  It is a treasure for me.  Since having Caleb, that treasure is even more special.  This is a gift for Caleb that I could have never given myself.  It is straight from God and His potter's hands.  It is a gift that parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins give without even realizing it.... simply because they determined to trust and let Him mold them. 

They speak testimonies of faith before they even open their mouths.  They live it first.  Caleb can see their faith, not just hear about it.  He will learn from that.  What a great lesson to be taught from his Uncle Perry, his Lola, his ... oh, I could name everyone!  He has a family that stands firm on the Word, that believes It with all their beings.... teaching Caleb all the while that It is a strong foundation on which to stand!

They live out giving without recognition or credit.... just because there was a need and they could help.   They live out honoring others even when the "others" aren't very deserving at times.  They live out strength amidst one sorrow after another.  They live and breathe prayer.  They are joyful even when busy, tired, or during not-so-joyful situations.  They walk in wisdom, even when wisdom requires uncomfortable actions or difficult obedience.  They know where their gifts and blessings come from, do not take them for granted, and use them to bless others.  They know the Word and use it.  It doesn't just sit on their coffee tables or become stale in their minds.  They rejoice in other's happiness or accomplishments as if it were their own.  All in all, they live God's love in the way it should be lived, without judgement, without condition, but as one who once was lost but now is found.  They were "first loved" so they could love. 

There is not a perfect one in the bunch.  They have not made their way themselves.  They have fallen.  They have needed help.  They have needed hard lessons, kicks in the rear, and welcome arms to return to.  They have turned left when they should've turned right and ended up stuck in the mud at times. 

All this Caleb will see too.  But he won't just see them stuck.  He'll see them pulled up and cleaned off.  He'll see them continuing their walk with God.  He'll see the molding continue.  That is a beautiful lesson. 

I had a similar family growing up.. grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins... all teaching me how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ (Eph 3:18).  They spoke the words from their mouths, yes.  But they did even better than that.  They lived it.  And I learned beautiful lessons.  His love is not a truth I doubted.  It just wasn't deniable because I saw with my own eyes the Truth through my family.  I was given a most treasured gift.  I know what a difference it makes in my life.  And now Caleb gets to grow up receiving the same gift.  Just as it made a difference with me, it will make a difference with him. 

How do you thank someone for giving this gift? 



A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.                  John 13:34-35

The Great Teacher and The Great Contender

My Bible study this morning brought me to several passages that are weighty in their description of oppression and relieving in their description of the LORD's loyalty. I listed most of the scriptures at the end of this post, but my point of this post is to write a prayer for Caleb.

Oh God, Thou has taught me from my youth; and I still declare Thy wondrous deeds. And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me, until I declare Thy strength to this generation, Thy power to all who are to come. (Ps 71:17,18) This is my prayer for Caleb. Teach him even now. Teach him as he toddles, teach him when he runs, and teach him when he drives. In all the days of his youth You, LORD, to be his teacher. What an awesome gift to grow up with. When he is old and gray may he still declare Your wondrous deeds, may he still delight in you. (Ps 18:19) Let him share the lessons you teach him to his generation.

Do not let oppressors control him. Protect him now before the attempts are even made. Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion. It cannot be shaken; it remains forever. Jerusalem - the mountains surround her. And the LORD surrounds His people, both now and forever. (Ps 125:1,2) Under your teaching, help Caleb to grow confident and secure like a mountain, to trust You. Surround him, both now and forever. YOU make him secure, You make him stand like a strong mountain. (Ps 30:6-7)

Do not let those who attack prevail against him. Do not let the plowmen plow over his back. Don't let him be used. (Ps 129:2-4) YOU contend with the one who tries to contend with him. (Is 49:25) Bring him to a spacious place (Ps 18:19), with all the room to grow. Do not let him walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers. Let his delight be in the Your law. Teach him to meditate on Your word day and night. Let him be like a tree, planted by your river of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season. Let him be like a tree, whose leaves will not wither, and whatever he does shall prosper. (Ps 1:1-3)

I thank you, Father, that You are the Great Contender. You want Caleb even more than I want Caleb to want You. You protect him with even more power than I could imagine possible. You will teach him even more than you have taught me.... if he will only have ears to hear. Father, let him have ears to hear.

________________________________________________________

Scripture verses in their entirety:

Since my youth they have often attacked me, but they have not prevailed against me. Plowmen plowed over my back; they made their furrows long. The LORD is righteous; He has cut the ropes of the wicked. Ps 129:2-4

He brought me into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. Ps 18:19

Oh God, Thou hast taught me from my youth; And I still declare Thy wondrous deeds. And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forwake me, Until I declare Thy strength to this generation, Thy power to all who are to come. Ps 71:17, 18

Thus says your Lord, the LORD, even your God who contends for His people, 'Behold, I have taken out of your hand the cup of reeling; the chalice of My anger, you will never drink it again. And I will put it inot the hand of your tormentors, who have said to you, 'Lie down that we may walk over you.' You have even made your back like the ground, and like the street for those who walk over it. Isaiah 51:22-23

Surely, thus says the LORD, "Even the captives of the mighty man will be taken away, and the prey of the tyrant will be rescued; For I will contend with the one who contends with you." Isaiah 49:25

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night. And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prospers. Psalm 1:1-3

Just passing time? (part one)

This is a question I ask myself a lot.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just passing time, getting through the day, the week, or maybe just the morning? It's not that I dislike my life or my days with my little toddler. I guess the routine sometimes gets to me. I hate these ruts, yet I still manage to find myself in them every now and then. It typically happens when I don't have a goal or a vision for the day. Caleb and I still play and have fun, but it's a mindless movement from one activity/errand to another. There's no thought as to why I'm doing what I'm doing, I'm just filling time.... until naptime, until dad comes home, until bedtime, until the weekend, until ... My whole heart and soul isn't in my mommy-ing on these days.

I don't think stay at home mom's are the only ones that deal with this. I remember as a teacher, I could easily fulfill all my duties, follow my lesson plan, even engage my students during class, and still just be passing time. Again, my whole heart and soul wasn't in my work on those days.

I believe that as Christians we don't have to live even a single day like this. He didn't intend living to be like this when He creating us. I also believe that making a habit out of passing time is detrimental. It is certainly not benefitting to either myself or to my child. If I'm consistently living life just filling space to keep myself busy with no thought as to why I'm doing what I'm doing, I am not serving Him to my full potential. He won't be able to mold me as He wants. I am turning my ears off to the Holy Spirit, whether I realize it or not. I miss opportunities to serve and therefore opportunities to grow.... and as a mother, opportunities to teach my son how to live as God intended.

If I am just passing time, I am doing a disservice to my child. All his needs will not be met (especially the mental and emotional needs) and I will be offering a poor example of what it means to serve Christ which is my biggest responsibility as a mother. I'm teaching him that's it's ok to pass time every now and then, as long as I'm fulfilling my responsibilities on the outside it should be no big deal. Everyone does it occasionally, right?

Ever read Ecclesiastes? The beginning chapters of this book are written from this perspective. It's actually quite depressing. I remember skipping that book a lot when I was younger. :)

That which has been is that which will be, and that which has been done is that which will
be done. Ecclesiastes 1:9

Yes, we all have the blah moments, the temptation to just pass time, just continue the day. Those feelings are normal. It is not ok to live those feelings.

I want to teach my son how to respond to those blah feelings, those days we want to just sit in front of the tv until mealtime (or sit our toddler in front of the tv until mealtime). That is a lesson worthy of being taught. Since he will better remember the way I live than the words I speak, living this example every day will be life impacting for him. It'll be pretty life impacting for me too!